As members of the public safety community we are keenly aware of the prevalence of domestic and family violence in the community. Officers know first hand how unpredictable such calls are and consider domestic violence calls to be among the most dangerous to handle. Dispatchers often burn out and become cynical and disinterested in dispatching on domestic calls because of the repetitive nature of domestic violence calls and the all too often familiar outcome, which, too often, means no outcome.
As a psychologist I am all too familiar with the after effects of domestic violence, both on the victims as well as the perpetrators, and have seen entire communities shattered by the violence that such relationships can perpetrate. Rarely, however, do officers or dispatchers want to admit that they themselves can be the victim, or perpetrator, of domestic violence or abuse. Most times I find out after I have been called out to respond to a situation in a division, or after hours at home. Too often I find myself standing in the middle of someone’s living room looking at the torn fragments of a family who had, until this last terrible moment, managed to keep their secrets buried until the situation exploded and an outside agency was called in to intervene. Many times alcohol is involved, and far too often infidelities and financial tension are contributing factors to the cycle of abuse.
When working with dispatchers, I find that because of the overwhelming number of female dispatchers, most times I only learn of someone’s history of domestic violence after they’ve dispatched on a particularly difficult call. With their own long histories of domestic violence buried deeply within their hearts, their defenses are rocked when there are exposed repeatedly to the trauma of domestic violence through the work of dispatching.
Dispatchers can’t help but be exposed repeatedly to trauma through the very nature of the work that they do. This repeated exposure may increase their own subjective level of stress and trauma if they themselves are victims of abuse in their home or family leading to potential worsening of their own situation and general health and well-being.. Police officers frequently report to me that when they’re on the job, they have little tolerance for family drama or domestic violence, and they’re paid to know what to do and how to handle a situation. But then they go home and when they find themselves faced with an escalating domestic event they feel helpless and hopeless.
For employees working in law enforcement, officer or civilian, once an outside agency has been called in, the “ball” is essentially taken out of their hands. In today’s climate that means zero tolerance for domestic violence and abuse, and once the department is officially involved the member will be forced to deal with the situation regardless of what they might prefer. Sometimes, this results in remediation and counseling. Other times it leads to termination of employment, criminal charges, civil law suits and court orders, counseling and anger management training. This can be the start of a new beginning, or, for some, it may only serve as a momentary bump on an otherwise long and unending road that will end by returning to business as usual.
Recent federal law mandates that no person convicted of felony or misdemeanor domestic abuse may carry a firearm. This law includes any charge where the victim is a current or former spouse, cohabitant or child. Conviction for a peace officer means the loss of police powers therefore any police officer, regardless of rank, will lose police powers if her or she is convicted of domestic abuse.
California State laws have also been amended and can restrict the possession of firearms by any person named as a subject of a domestic violence-related court order or restraining order. Police officers are not exempt from this law. Such court orders may include the temporary Restraining order, Emergency protective order, Order to Show Cause, and Order After Hearing.
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Domestic violence can take many different forms, but the goal is usually the same: control and coercion of their domestic partners through the use of fear and force. This is accomplished by the use of physical, sexual, psychological and sometimes even economical abuse and control.
There are a number of theories about how someone becomes a batterer, but the most commonly accepted one is that battering and abuse are learned behaviors and tend to be multigenerational.. The impact of this behavior does not stop with the primary victim. It has long lasting effects on the entire family, particularly when the battering is witnessed first hand by children. Batterers usually have limited coping skills and non-violent means of resolving problems or defusing stressful situations. Violence may occur at any time and is likely to increase if the victim tries to leave the situation.
Men can be victims of domestic violence although the majority of reported victims are women and the majority of reported perpetrators are men.
Domestic violence occurs in all families regardless of class, culture, race, age and socioeconomic status.
All battering behaviors are part of a pattern of coercion used to obtain and maintain power and control.
Domestic violence may occur only once, occasionally or all the time and on a regular basis.
There does not have to be a visible physical injury for domestic violence to have taken place.
Abused victims often stay in abusive relationships out of fear (fear of being injured or killed if they leave, fear of losing their children, fear that their children will be hurt or killed, fear of being unable to provide for themselves).
WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE A BATTERER
First, admit that you need help. The only way that you can stop the cycle of violence is to be willing to look at your own behavior, recognize it as a problem and get help. 9 out of 10 batterers don’t believe they have a problem, and in fact, they commonly believe that the only person is responsible for their behavior. They may even believe that the victim did something intentionally to cause the behavior and if they only act differently then it would never have happened. “Why’d you make me hit you?” This belief is false because no matter what the victim does, the end result is the same. The batterer is in control of the situation and his or her own violence, not the victim.
In my experience, cops and dispatchers tend to minimize abnormal behavior, particularly violent acts. In part, it’s a function of being exposed constantly and consistently to emotionally overwhelming information. Minimization and denial are common coping mechanisms used by people in public safety, but when someone suggests to you that you have trouble managing your anger, or that you are abusive, take them seriously. These are not words to be taken lightly. If you have used force or coercion in a relationship, get help. If you are a police officer, you have committed a criminal act and if convicted you will lose you police powers. If you are a civilian in public safety you stand to lose your job.
Confide in someone you trust.
Do not be persuaded into an action that does not feel right.
Start keeping personal ‘emergency” survival belongings with a friend.
Ask a friend to go with you to appointments and public places.
Make a personal safety plan and review it with your children.
Be sure a friend knows your personal safety plan